Meet Sarah!

Another fantastic lady decided to participate in this project and share her story. Sarah thank you so much, we know it's really hard to bring back all the emotions and relive what happened, but there's no doubt this will help may other women to feel less lonely. Like Sarah said to us, writing this was somewhat therapeutic for her too.


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience?
I have had two ectopic pregnancies both resulting in loosing my tubes. The first one was in 2006, and I lost my right tube, my second pregnancy and most recent was in November 2011 (one week ago) - this was going to be my last baby and lost my left tube.

What were your symptoms?
On my first EP in 06 I was about 7wks pregnant. I was out with my mother and my little girl and I got really bad pains in my right side, it was so awful. I could hardly walk or drive. The pain eased off that evening but the next day I had very bad cramps in my stomach and went to my gp. On the way back I started to bleed lightly but that was the beginning of it really. I went to EPU [Early Pregnancy Unit] and scan couldn't confirm anything, back the next morning and a more detailed scan showed the pregnancy was in my right tube.

This time round I was only 6 wks but I really had zero symptoms, zero pregnancy symptoms or EP symptoms. I had an early scan booked for last Tuesday 8th November and they thought they could see a very small empty sac in my womb. So they took bloods and sent me home. EPU phoned last Wednesday morning and said to come back down for another scan as soon as I could that the hcg levels were at 3900 and at that stage they should be able to see something. So down we went, myself, dh and 3 children really expecting the best (but really deep down I knew it wasn't looking good). By the time I got there I had a very very mild pain on the left, low down in my pelvis. Two sonographers both scanned me internally and both confirmed that the womb was empty and that perhaps there was something in my left tube - I was deemed a mystery because I really didn't have any symptoms at all. The nurse in the EPU insisted to the doctor that I had to stay in the hospital as I live over an hour away - so they found me a bed and booked me in for laparoscopy that night, hoping to have me down in theatre by 9pm

How was your experience with the doctors?
Back in 2006 It was all very sudden, straight down to theatre, laparoscopy done, pregnancy and tube removed and sent home the next day. While the nurses where lovely I really just felt like I was rushed home.
This time round in 2011 - Pretty much like the first experience or rush, shock and fear, but I really couldn't have gotten any better care. From the nurse in the EPU who insisted I was kept in, to the doctors, to the surgeons, consultants, and nurses they really took care of me and looked after me really well.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
In 2006 I was straight in for surgery. They did laparoscopy to remove my tube which by that point was rupturing. The healing time was much quicker, I was physically healed in just over a week. Emotionally was harder work. It really did take me months. As at that time they told me there was some damage to my left tube and my conception chances naturally where about 5% and IVF where probably the only other way for us. For months I really couldn't come to terms with that. But 8 months after I conceived my first son (I already had a daughter thank God for her) and then went on to have a second son.
2011 they presumed it would just be a "simple" laparoscopy - down and back in an hour is what the surgeon told my husband. When in fact when they took me down (at 7pm) and did the laparoscopy they discovered my tube had already ruptured and I was  bleeding into my pelvis (and I really only had a very mild pain) also the pregnancy was embedded into my ovary too that they had to do abdominal surgery - and cut about 7-8cm but the whole procedure took just over 2 hours.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc?
God the emotions!! The first time round I really couldn't get my head around it at all. I went through it all I suppose. From feeling like a failure because I couldn't' even "get pregnant properly" to "was it my fault, did I do something wrong", to anxiety, even though I already had a child all I wanted more than anything was to be pregnant again. I soldiered on with the support of my wonderful husband and came to terms with it all, and thankfully went on to have 2 more beautiful children.
This time round, at the moment I really don't even know how I am feeling to be honest. It was only one week ago - so I really don't think it has sunk in. I have a lot going around in my head. On one hand I am so thankful to already be blessed with 3 great children, but I cant really even imagine that I will probably (unless ivf, which is not 100%) never be pregnant again, never have a baby growing inside of me, have that newborn feeling in the house. It is crazy really, as this baby was to be our "last" one. My family have been out of this world, my friends have been great and plenty of help from everyone. I also have in my head "oh my god I could have died", a feeling I never thought about the first time round. I suppose the first time my tube was rupturing in the hospital where as this time it had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. I really shudder to think of the what if's, what if they took more bloods and sent me home. My husband at the moment is really only thinking of this and I really wish he wouldn't beat himself up over it. We just need to keep talking to each other and making sure we are both OK emotionally.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
Since 2006 and loosing my first tube a lot went on. We signed our names for inter country adoption also decided we would give ivf a try. The week before our first meeting with the consultant I found out I was pregnant again, which was a successful one, and in August 07 out popped my beautiful son. When he was 10 months we said "sure lets try again, it might take ages, it might never happen lets just see". Two months later I was pregnant again :) In April 2009 my next little fella was born.
So I am so lucky to have 3 great kids.
It has only been one week since my last ectopic and not much has happened other than thanking God to be alive, have my husband and my children. I may never have another so I am taking my blessings where I can I suppose. The next few months might be a bit of a roller-coaster but I'll take each day at a time for now.

Meet Niamh!

Niamh is our first featured story! Thank you Niamh, we really hope this will get the ball rolling!


What type of ectopic pregnancy did you experience? 
The EP was in my left tube. It happened last month (October 2011)

What were your symptoms?
I was 6 weeks pregnant on my 2nd pregnancy and had just been to my GP to confirm when I started to get spotting and bad pains. They weren't on one particular side, just a strong pressure pain very low down. After 2 days I realised they weren't going away and went to the hospital. I had an internal scan and they saw an ectopic pregnancy in my left tube.

How was your experience with the doctors?
I found the doctors (and nurses and all staff in the hospital) amazing. I was diagnosed straight away. I hate hospitals but they made me feel so at ease, and as if I was the most important person in the hospital.

How were you treated? (surgery, MTX)
I had both. The ectopic pregnancy was seen on the internal scan and the doctor on duty wanted to do follow up blood tests to confirm, as the pain subsided and I was stable so they didn't need to act immediately. 3 days after my scan the blood tests confirmed what was suspected on the scan. The doctor wanted to admit me straight away and prepare me for surgery the following day, as the level of hcg was just over the recommended level for the mtx injection. However the doctor on duty the following day felt it was worthwhile trying the injection,. I was relieved but still very anxious. I went home a couple of hours after the injection and the following day I went out for lunch as a distraction. After lunch I started getting the pain again. Within a few minutes I was in agony and barely made it to the car. We rushed back into the hospital where I was scanned as I squirmed around the bed, and they could see fluid in my abdomen. Within minutes I was surrounded by doctors and nurses and rushed into surgery where I lost my left tube and my baby.

Can you tell us a bit about your emotions, family support (if shared) etc?
I was surprised at how quickly I recovered from the physical pain of surgery but the emotional pain will be with me for a long time. We told our families and friends after it had happened as I felt I needed the support and everyone was great. Although after surgery the emphasis was on my physical recovery rather than emotional and I do feel like they dont understand what I am going through. I never thought something like this would happen me. I am getting through it by thinking positively and rather than looking at it as losing a baby I look at it that I have gained an angel who will always look over us. I am very anxious about becoming pregnant again. It was such a scary experience that I never want to be in a position where it could happen again, but it did only happen a month ago so I am sure my feelings will change.

What happened since your ectopic pregnancy?
It only happened a month ago, so I'm slowly but surely getting back to normal.

The Male Perspective

As you go through an ectopic pregnancy, there is so much going on in your head that it's almost impossible to see there and then how your experience is affecting your partner/husband.

John is Deirdre's husband (her story on the tab above) and he agreed to write for us about his feelings, fears and emotions going through his mind at that time. Thank you John!

I remember when D first told me that she was pregnant, I was so so happy, my mind was racing with the excitement of the news, rocking all over the world was playing on the radio! We had the pregnancy confirmed by the GP, and we bought books, read about what would happen at each stage and we waited for the rollercoaster to begin.

Unfortunately this rollercoaster turned out to be a rocky road. When D rang me from work a few weeks later and told me that she thought that she was miscarrying I was shocked. I’d heard about miscarriage, but to be honest I wasn’t too worried. We went to the hospital for a scan, which I presumed would be ok. The doctor though said that the baby had no heartbeat and all we could do was to wait and see and for D to go home and rest. To days later however D unfortunately miscarried after resting, praying to God to leave our baby with us, feeling completely powerless and analysing every symptom. Leaving the hospital we were surrounded by new parents with their babies and I remember thinking how cruel it was to scan women with problem pregnancies in a maternity ward.

Our heads span with shock after the miscarriage. I tried to keep my spirits up for D, and everyone kept telling me to mind D, that we would have another baby, but the best bit of support that we got to be honest were people who said little but gave us hugs and understood our loss. We went to knock and I spoke to a priest there. I told him that I didn’t know if I was grieving a baby or an angel- the priest replied that I was grieving both, which really helped.

In the next few weeks D began to get on and off severe pains in her left side. Visits and scans back in the maternity ward revealed nothing. It was terrifying for me as I knew something was wrong, yet the doctors kept saying that she was fine. We decided to go on a trip to New York that we had booked months before. We travelled to the airport hotel separately. On the way I couldn’t contact D and instinctively knew that something was wrong. When I arrived in the hotel she told me that the pain was back, she doubled over in the lobby. We rushed in the car to Beaumont Hospital where they sent her by ambulance to the Rotunda Hospital. I followed in the car terrified. When we arrived in the Rotunda they did a scan and we were told that D had an ectopic pregnancy- a twin to the baby we lost a few weeks earlier. I didn’t think at this stage of another loss, I was just worried about D as it was clear that she was very ill. I walked with her while she was wheeled to the operating theatre. She was wheeled into a room there and left on her own, I went in after her because I didn’t want her to be all alone. When the nurses arrived I left the theatre. I walked in a daze to the pro cathedral and have never felt so alone and terrified in my life. It occurred to me that I might never talk to D again. I rang our families, prayed and had masses said.

When I arrived back to the Rotunda D was returning to the ward. The surgeon told me that all had gone well and that I was a lucky man that my wife was still alive. I was hard to balance how lucky I was yet how unlucky we were to lose 2 babies in one month. In the following weeks I tried to bottle it all up, stay strong for D while she was recovering, and while people meant well their sometimes poor advice and clichés did not help at all.

At Christmas time we received a silver angel Christmas tree decoration from the Miscarriage Association in the post. One night looking at it it started to spin and shine really brightly. For the first time since our losses I started to cry- for our little twins and for relief that I still had my wife with me. The words of an old teacher came to me - tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.

We have experienced more miscarriages since but are blessed with two wonderful children. I will never ever forget our little angels and my heart will always be with them.

Going through something like this as a man is very hard. Men are meant to be strong, to not show their emotions, so I am sure that the support offered by Ectopic Pregnancy Ireland will enable not only the women going through an ectopic pregnancy but also their husbands/partners. Our strength is in sharing.

If your Husband/Partner is happy to share id experience, we'd love to hear from you. Please email us at info@ectopicireland.ie

Ectopic Pregnancy in Blogland

We have started looking around for bloggers who have reported their experience with one or more ectopic pregnancies. This is a work in progress and hopefully more blogs will be added to the list in the sidebar to the left. If you are not familiar with blogs, you have to imagine them like being diaries. You can search through past posts quite easily and most bloggers have a short version of their stories some where in the main page. The four blogs we have listed here have all been successful in getting pregnant after the ectopic(s) so we think it's a great message of hope for all those dealing with the aftermath of the loss, where the fear of never getting pregnant again is indeed overwhelming.

If you are a blogger and have experienced an ectopic pregnancy, blogged about it and would like to be added to our blogroll please send us an email to info@ectopicireland.ie

Introduction

We are a group of five girls who got to know each other through the very painful experience of ectopic pregnancy. We all felt that what we have been through should lead to something good.

And so we set up a charity and a support group for those women who are going through the same.

It's incredible how little people know about ectopic pregnancies. You can find in the tabs above info on our charity and FAQs on ectopic pregnancy and on the side bar where we are based and how you can contact us (mail, forum, website etc.)

This blog will be used to tell our stories, to gather blogs around the World of others who have been affected by ectopic pregnancies and hopefully to generate a community where no one going through the same will feel alone.
Be patient, we'll do our best to have all the material here as soon as possible!